Bendito Chavez: Young, Black and Gifted (jimmymontrose) wrote in mr_secretary,
Bendito Chavez: Young, Black and Gifted

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I Could Learn a Lesson From a Man Like This

I just got this office-wide email. It is from one of our Office Managers. He is a retired Army Officer of some kind and sends out email rants like this about once a month:

Another TOME from the Accounting Cave....or an ode to the phantom coffee pot juggler......

1. Negotiate long and hard to get a commercial coffee maker and the makings to produce fine coffee in the first floor kitchen.
2. Do likewise for the upstairs kitchen.
3. Educate the masses in how to produce coffee that will not kill another human.
4. Supply measuring spoons.....firmly attached with aircraft wire....another story....
5. Nirvana...right?


What follows could be the first chapter in the book called "Free Coffee Gone Bad".

The masses, for whatever reason, assume that coffee will magically appear fully brewed, aromatic and delightful to the pallet. The masses assume that somehow by tossing a 'guesstimate" amount of coffee in a filter will produce coffee that a human could drink. The masses hold out that fleeting hope that an eighth of an inch of coffee in the bottom of the pot boiling away on the burner will assuage the thirst of the masses like the loaves and fishes. The masses assume that the clean coffee pot they find neatly awaiting the day's toil magically was cleansed by an unseen toiler of a lower order.

What else could happen, you say?

Fully anticipating any and all of the foregoing to confront me on entering the kitchen, imagine my surprise, chagrin..... alas, defeat when, even beyond my wildest imaginings, I found myself staring at a pot clearly labeled FOR HOT WATER USE ONLY, in bold capital letters, happily stewing on the burner with COFFEE in it. Additionally, there was another unlabeled coffee pot full of coffee on the other burner. The gayly orange colored pot designed for decaffeinated use only was half full of plain water sitting on the top burner, Blithefully awaiting the next tea customer.

OK...I sat down calmy awaiting my Thorazine drip to kick in and weighed my alternatives. With blood pressure that borders on being just slightly north of normal, and taking my daily pill to keep it in check, do I throw caution to the wind and imbibe in coffee of an unknown origin? Do I go onezy, Twozy and pick one hoping the caffeine rattle doesn't set in? Do I dunk a tea bag in water that was warmed in a pot that's been brewing coffee for the last six months and engendered that lovely coffee tainted taste to the water? Do I dwell upon the fact that the pot labeled FOR HOT WATER USE ONLY, will forever more impart water with that faint memory of misuse.

I did what any red-blooded American man would do. I enlisted the aid of a red-blooded American woman to help me dispatch the three pots of brew.....clean the pots and start over, all the while thinking of the role this fine institution takes in improving reading scores in the region. Yessir....we surely qualify as experts!............sigh.....
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